Cheerio 2005

Today is auld years night.

I had coffee & cigarettes for breakfast.

I am wearing 3 pairs of socks.

Im going to see Banjo, Malc,Bret,Arlette and Gav.

And a few other hundred thoustand people.

Rob a bank

I am the coolest person ever.
I spent a Friday evening ordering shopping from Asda.

I fucking rule.

Song ~ In space
Artist ~ Royksopp

Last 24 hours...

Outrageously priced cocktails

Orange jumpers and berets

Proper pubs

Songs about dead puppies and vegetarians

Foot stomping to fiddles

Gin & Tonics

Tongue bars

Photographer who went to too many elocution lessons but strangly sexy

Snow

Singing

Retro curtains

Amaretto

Pounting in the style of Zoolander

Lazy morning spent in bed

Wake in a flat filled with the most random and fascinating yet slightly concerning objects

Hangover

Being presented in local sandwich shop with a roll I dont even like

Loving Bacon & Stilton rolls

Mettings with father and girlfriend

Battling against manic bargain hunters

Bailing father out of dodgy car hire

Painting skirt

Whats the fuck is all this sodoko lark about?

Eugh work tomorrow....

Yeah...

So the festivities was spent at the costal sticks in Gullane. Lazy days spent with my mum and step dad. Was not prepared for the time spent staring at the TV and being unable to move. My parents do watch some pish on TV. They have turned into extensive soap watchers.

Helping out at a random suprise party.

Perfectly mixed Gin & Tonics at my aunts.

Recieved socks, fleecy Pj's,chocolate and the random present of 2005 was the hot water bottle cover.

Walking along sea fronts in chilling and spectacular weather.

Loving my fathers practical gift of 200 ciggys and £40.

Not doing anything I said I would back home. ie writing letters, doing ALOT of sleeping.

Preparing to head butt the next person who asked me...

'You have lost sooo much weight'

'You got yerself a man yet?'

Mischievously smoking out my bedroom window. Pure nostalgia.

Random lovely conversations with Muffins mother creature.

Falling asleep at dinner. In a restaurant.

Didn't fall out with the parentals.

We want it

So this is Christmas
And what have you done
Another year over
And a new one just begun
And so this is Christmas
I hope you have fun
The near and the dear ones
The old and the young

A very merry Christmas
And a happy New Year
Let's hope it's a good one
Without any fear

And so this is Christmas War is over
For weak and for strong If you want it
For rich and the poor ones War is over
The world is so wrong Now
And so Happy Christmas War is over
For black and for white If you want it
For yellow and red ones War is over
Let's stop all the fight Now

A very merry Christmas
And a happy New Year
Let's hope it's a good one
Without any fear

And so this is Christmas War is over
And what have we done If you want it
Another year over War is over
And a new one just begun Now
And so Happy Christmas War is over
I hope you have fun If you want it
The near and the dear one War is over
The old and the young Now

A very merry Christmas
And a happy New Year
Let's hope it's a good one
Without any fear

War is over if you want it
War is over now

Song ~ Merry Christmas (war is over)
Artist ~ John Lennon

Audial pleasure #2

Song ~ Serve Chilled
Artist ~ Groove Armada


Twilight

Side note...

Random people you meet from online a few years back are not supposed to now work in your office.

All I want for christmas

I need most things that I want but in all things materialisticlly beautiful...

Vollers corest please.

Chances of ever recieving: slim to none
Going to stop me dreaming: never

Slip sliding..

Song ~ Got to give it up
Artist ~ Marvin Gaye

Oooohhhh yeah!

Chooo Choo...

Grrr Im so fucking pissed off. Dont know why Im typing my aggression really. Just a bit of letting off steam.
Fucking bastards, my fucking money.
Its Christmas and the chances of me getting a new card in time is slim to none (still hopeful though)
6p in my purse.
lmfao
(sigh)

Im in a angry but helpless situation.
Nothing I can do just now.
Fill in forms when they arrive.

AGGGRHRHRHRGH!!!! (sigh)
And tonight was going to be an enjoyable night of getting in touch with people,replying to well over due emails etc.
Now im in a foul mood so im not even going to attempt it. The bad vibes will no doubt follow throughout the correspondance.

Im fucking restless as well.
Cant concentrate to read.
Cant just lie down.

Fuck it man, I think I will take up dancing in my fluffy socks on my wooden floor...

Ho ho ho...

Santa and his hung over Misses (looking about 12)

Gob Smacked

Some fucker has just used my bank account to pay for their Christmas shopping.

Current account barred.

May have new card in time for Christmas. Makes no fucking difference anyway. Christmas money gone.

£220 down.

(sigh)

Matters worse: Have all my cards protected. However if they are in my possesion it means fuck all. Only if they were stolen they can cover me. Thats a fucking fat lot of good.

I swear to god, why does it always shit on me! Im going to turn into a selfish bitch who doesnt give a fuck about anyone as this nice girl lark just proves I always finish last.

Auditory pleasure #1

Song ~ Munich
Artist ~ Editors

Just fucking smile.

Sleepy Head

So Im currently dealing with 'bouncing'

Bounce History
Hard Bouncing
Last Bouncing

For fuck sake. All I want to do is post a god damn message on a forum.

Need to get ones finger out in regards to keeping in touch with hostel chums and making new ones.

Thoughts of Burning Man 06 are buzzing about my mind.
Tickets will be on sale soon.
Im also thinking about Nowhere as well. Its a tragedy that I cant do our regional burn. Purely financial reasons.
Im getting a bit restless actually. In a sence that as much as I love planning to travel I just want to get the major thing out the way...flights.
Before I can get that one ticked off the long list that just unfolds when planning the adventure it weighs on some primary things:
1. Is Muffin, me and Helens idea of a mini Brit camp even possible? Those lucky bastards are leaving April to go on a grand tour of this planet of ours before the burn.
Practical side/when are they going to be in Reno?/how much time across the pond do we think we will need to sort out the shit we cant do here?/Cost?/fucking getting the shit to the playa.
Alot of communication is needed while the ladies are not in the UK.
The con's are out weighing the pro's at the moment.
We all have some brilliant ideas but Im a cruel realist.

Need to speak to the Captain and Helen. ASAP (Well after the festivities)

So once thats sorted we can get the ball rolling.

So I can then speak to my mum and her wonderful ability to get some cheap flights. Learnt the hard way last year that you got to book early!
£250. Yes £250. Not £700 like last year. Muuuuuuuuuuch cheapness.
After the long haul has been bought and you know you are either going to be flying to either San Fran,LA or Vegas,getting anywhere is not going to take you more than a day. At not too much expense anyway.

The moral dilema must be sorted.

Then let the wonderful,manic,patience testing,creative,overwhelming,exorbitant planning commence....

Happy medium?

Ah ha. I have a plan.

Devil will ride

My Christmas social events all seemed to arrive one after another.

Thursday night was spent at Banjo's. As standard, much wine and smoke. Sitting on the living room floor with cheese and biscuits surrounding us. She did plan dinner but this was much more fun. Out came the port. Reminiscing of our antics when we lived together. Her wedding plans. Music chats and disussions in all shapes and sizes. A very happy last bus home.

Woke up with hangover. The kind thats makes you clumsy,dittery and unable to concentrate for longer than a minute. Still drunk? Possibly.
Fuck.
Office Christmas pary.
On with the evening dress at 8am. Emails opened. flagged. Holding all calls as the hair of the dog in the shape of some lager was opened at 10am.
On with the Mrs Claus outfit. Sweating in Polyester and fair wings.
Perching on my boss's knee, smiling for the camera.
Shoot me fucking now.
Hiding under the Christmas tree while Santa proceeded to have every colleague on his knee.
More beer needed.

Shoe horned into a room with 2 other companys in a hotel for meal. Typical mass catered for crap.
Tore into the free wine. White. Chardonnay. The most evil of all wines. It is the most crushing,I-cant-even-open-my-eyes-it-hurts-so-bad kind of headaches when it weares off poured into a bottle.
Naughty dessert.
30 minute ramblings at the smokers table.
Typical dial-a-DJ music.
Hating it.
Dancing to Maggie May.
Having great pleasure watching all my colleagues get unbelievably drunk.
Hearing horrific stories from colleagues.
Stealing wine,whisky and gin to walk to next pub.
Bored.
Too fucked for this time of the day.
Telling my boss thats he fucking top notch.
Colleague and I pop up to the flat for tea,smoke and some decent music.
Ranting philosophical views about Mrs Claus to the cab driver.
Comfy seat. Smoke and some good music miles away from home.
Eugh.
A really cold,shivery come down.
Mmmmm...cosy blanket.
Welcome lift home.

Megabus to Glasgow. Sleep. legs propped up by tables.
Feeling revived as Jenni and I check into our cosy guest house.
Thoughts and feelings of the hangover couldnt take away the fact that I was off to the long awaited Mr Scruff gig.
Lovely meal over some wine. Not Chardonnay.
Strange to see Jenni a bit pissed as first session with her. Think I was just topping myself up from the last 48 hours.
back to the digs to get changed.
Tears,Southern Comfort and confessions before we left the place. Gig started 2 hours ago.
Ran like drunken fools through the streets of Glasgow shouting praise to Mr Scruff.
Unable to contain ourselves in the cloakroom queue.
Bursting into the place and head straight to the dance floor.
Standing at the barrier dancing like a loon.
Big grins to the DJ.
Finger pointing and shouting at the DJ.
Scruff smiling and blushing gracefuly.
Red stripe in cans. Class.
Just dancing,smiling and loving it.
Jenni not looking so hot.
Led her by the hand to a wee quiet corner. All happy,Wee sit down for her.
More dancing.
Waiting in the toilet queue to find drunken girl being carried out by 2 security. 'Dude'.
Oh fuck. Its Jenni.
Reasuring lovely understaing security thats she is my mate, all cool, bit drunken and she needs to go home.
Heart sinks.
Mate left me at the last Scruff gig really early on and I never got to see the end of his set. This one had the same fate.
Fuck.
Carry Jenni through the streets of Glasgow. Got lost.
Felt really fucking pissed off. I felt a little selfish but happy that Jenni was fine. I know what it feels like being really drunk and just wanting to be in your bed.
Sitting on a random doorstep. So cold it hurt.
Expensive single haggis and helping drunk people pay for their drunken snacks.
Found bearings.
Jenni happy.
Bed time.

Unable to open eyes.
Comfy bed.
Check out deadline hangs over me.
Everything had taken its toll on me.
The drooth like you just would not believe.
Unable to even move.
Jenni in same boat.
Manage to stumble into some clothes. So god dman hungry. My method to a hangover is eat as early as you can. Hunger and a hangover when you have an appetite just kills you even more.
Jenni unable to walk.
Need food quick.
Jenni unable to walk.
Hangover become more intense as we stumble along the street. Dodging manic Christmas shppers.
Jenni in a very sorry state as I make some direction to a coffee shop.
Feed her orange juice.
4 hours to wait for the bus.
Drank coffee.
Grumbled at the UHT milk.
Smiled that it was a fucking excellent gig.
Made our way to a non smoking pub.
Claire: Roast beef.
Jenni: Strawberry ice cream.
Awful meal.
Picked at chips.
Read newspapers.
Jenni looking as she was about to die.
It rained.
We got wet.

And now Im home.

Bought hangover munchies on my pathetic walk up the road.
Rainbow Drops rock.
Im tired,shattered actually cant sleep,cold and just wasted an hour typing this pish.
Reading it back thinking I dont half go into great details at times eh?...

Unknown

Where am I?
What day is this?

Green Extra

Its been a strange one these past few days.

For a start I have been falling alsleep feeling pretty content. A strange yet most welcome feeling.

Managed to send my Decompression photos to Dougladutch & Muffin with one picture on the disk.

Work being so busy its just not even funny.

Looking at Kiwi's photos from the burn and confirming once more that the camera hates me.

Christmas office bash on Friday which inevitably I will end up drunk.
A good drunk I hope.
Not had a bad drunk in a while and my long awaited band drunk reared its ugly head at the decompression. Think I was more pissed off that I let myself get to that stage. I hate the too fucked to hold a conversation drunk. Just a nuisance bouncing about and that slight sick effect that alcohol has on you. Mix that with complete frustration that I have wasted a good 10 minutes in a flower bed muttering my disgust that Im in such a state with my head in dirt to then be carried (by 2 people may I add) to go and waste some more time to sleep it off. Woke up and felt bright as a button and to discover a flashing wand in my boot. Most upset I lost that. Thank you whoever gifted it. Such a lovely thing to find and smiled so hard when I suddenly remembered where I was.

Gushing at Muffins blog. Awww sweetie, you and your wonderful men.

Limitations are endless with fimo.

The art theme was announced.

Also the inability to get my ass out of bed in the morning.

Oh Son..

Wrapping myself up and loading myself with essentials such as coffee,cigarettes and ipod I took a very leisurely stroll along the canal.
Very content for no particular reason which made me smile even harder even though I didnt see any ducks. Just some nasty seagulls bobbing about.
Looking at the reminants of Saturday night shown on the pavements as I walked down Lothian Road.

Choosing to walk down the caslte side of Princes Street was a wise move. Watching the swarms of Christmas shoppers laiden with bags and their contents most probably still being paid for in 9 months time.
It was inevitable that I would soon have to join this army but until then I carried on through the crowds in the style of Richard Ashcroft in 'Bittersweet Sympathy' but bearing a smile.

Met up with an old friend. Fiona (aka Son) is a great friend from when I lived in the coastal sticks (as apposed to my Border sticks). She moved away about a year before me when she fell pregnant very early on in a relationship.

I was always there for her. Put up with her chronic mood swings,pregnancy medical worries and supporting her as best I could. Its funny think of it now. Weekends were spent wearing trackie bottoms and carrying handbags while we bought gifts and necessaties for her ever growing bump. Waiting up all night with her sister to hear the news when she was taken into hospital. Her dad being the head gynecologist ment we were free to see her as soon as she wanted us. Walking into the labour suite at 3am cluthing 'Its a girl' helium baloons (bought previously from the 24hr Asda) I was presented with Anna.
The youngest person I had ever held. As beautiful as she was and with both parents unable to take their eyes from their first born it still scared the shit out of me ever having my own. This fragile, helpless human and you have sole responsability for her. Dont get me wrong. Deep down I think I would make a great mum. The adamancy not to let my children have the complex upbringing I did and guide their development would be a rewarding and loving challenge to say the least. But not just now. I know the environments I want my children to be brought up in and at this moment in time, none of them are met.Also the fact that there was blood up the walls soon knocked me back into reality thats this aint no easy task!

So Fiona moved into her partners place (Scot) and we both moved on with her lives. I moved into Edinburgh and she had another child. But last week it dawned on me I had not called her in 9 months. Christmas is a good a time as any to get in touch with her.

She looks great, her kids are doing great and her and Scott have just bought a house to accomodate her 3rd bump. Due in April.
4 hours of Christmas shopping. Or should I put it,helping Fiona shop as we chatted like we had never been apart.
Having no children with her must have been difficult as she didnt have any willing children to put on the flying swings that reach a little too high and a bit too close to St Andrews Mounument on Princes street, so I was the chosen one instead. Not too hot about flying in circles in a machine run by some hilly billys and their dodgy sidekicks but I smiled and waved like an over enthusiastic kid trying to impress their parents. Then The Fear kicked in. Ok I want to get off now. Looking up trying to examine if these chains are really going to be safe or am I going to end up crashing through Jenners window and landing at some grannies table while she has a cup of tea and scones with her chums?

A mental slap was given as I glanced at the 8 year old beside me throwing her arms out and then looking bored.

Stumbled about with legs like jelly for the next half hour.

A friendship was revitalized and a jolly nice day was had by all.

Now its back to all things crafty and listening to the infectious grooves of Mr Scruff.

Domestic Goddess

Out of all the risottos I have made the most wonnderful...

Roasted garlic and mushroom.

Fucking yum!

Say What?

Oooh how nice.
Last week I posted a thread on a cafe forum in Edinburgh. If there is any Burners in this city they have got to be kicking about in this cafe. I did try to volounteer there but after sitting there with my heart pounding in my chest drinking a coffee watching the clock waiting for the volounteer meeting to start I bottled it. No one knows Im here for the meeting. Im sweating like a bitch. Not a good first impression. Fucking return of the social phobia.

So a very polite post requesting if there are any Burners about resulted in childish,mindless remarks such as these....

i do not think this is a good idea for a festival. thousands of people die in fires every year, and to these hippies it is just a sick joke 'concept' for a festival, the idea of the spirit ascending to the higher realms - should not be refered to so casually.

i would not like to burn to death, or be remembered like that.
i knew some arsonists once, but they are no longer my friends.



I think it is sexist. Is there a Burning Woman? Bet you there's not!


I didnt give them any more fuel for the fire (excuse the pun) and just left it.

But a genuine reply from a Burner was to be had today.

Nice :)

Sharing

I have about 700 photographs. Since moving into my new place this is the only one that has made it to a frame

Glitter in my baccy

Face screwed up,clenched fists and shaking them like a mad woman at my monitor
ME: 'AAAGGGGHHH for fuck sake. Fucking auditors.'
VIC: 'What you mumping about now? Doing a fair amount of moaning today'
JOHN P (from accross the table): 'Ah but the lassie makes a good cheesecake.'

*************************

RIP John Lennon.

25 years ago today he was gunned down.
Celebrate by lying back,light a candle and just listen to his music.
Political,passionate,raw,eccentric,truthful to the point it hurts.
I personaly didnt dig his solo stuff as much as I loved his music in the band.But then again 4 heads are better than 1.

My personal fav...Come Together. This experience is heightened when recieving/giving massage to this song.

Kissing to 'Why dont we do it in the road' (accoustic) Ok I know its sung by Paul but I have a theme rolling here....

Waking up to: The boy with the arab strap

Fucking to: Apex Twin

Experimenting : Bonobo

Smoking to: Massive Attack

Ok enough of random preferences becuase trust me, the list is endless.....

Self Pity

'Loneliness, got my name and new address'....

(Fucking hell Claire. Pick your sorry ass up!)

Time Delay Teeth

So whats the craic with widom teeth? 10 years after you have your fully functioning set somone decided you need another few. Not even in a practical place (ok they are still in my mouth) but right at the back.
Does that mean I'm now wise in my ways? I'd like to think so.

Much more upbeat since my last post. Just my broken social circle is pissing me off...

Im still quite dazed and shattered with zero motivation. Bag has been returned so my achievable goal will be to unpack.

My photo's are handy for jogging my memory and had a great giggle looking through them. Some are arousing some kind of memory of the evening. After taking a picture of the sentence that Andrew and I cretaed on the board with words with velcro on them (simple & damn fun) As you can see it makes no sence what so ever. Of course at the time we had just put together something shit hot.

The Editors album is certainly making me smile.

Also I have noticed I say 'fucking bastard' at least once every day. Most times before 9am.

Shattered Dreams

London Decompression over.
Im back home.
No one else here.
Loathing in unknown emotions.
I dont want to start crying as I will never stop.
Why does this have to stop?
I miss my family.
I miss my bag that shitty orange budjet airline lost.