When it comes to adventures in my own country I always seem to go North but last week I was thrown almost as far west as you can get (in a kind of South-West Scotland kinda way). A week in Stranraer in a grand old hotel which was build and owned by an explorer (Trying to find the North West passage and died in the process). I didn't expect to stumble across an ice rink in the place but I did. Now that was a bit weird. But someone making your bed in the morning and every meal served to you and a TV, well I can live without the TV so the hospitalities were all good.
It was really nice being next to a port as well. I'm really not sure why but maybe knowing that all these people lined up outside my bedroom window were on some sort of sea adventures. Even though if most of the traffic were lorries….
They woke me up every night but I never had the energy in me to actually go and see the ferry so I decided to wait until Friday night and there it was.
I had not even seen a ferry in years. Well that's a lie I should say viewed one up close. But I have not stepped foot in one since I was about 8 when I went on my first trip to Norway and flash backs of a seriously choppy sea and the biggest elastic bands I have ever seen trying to keep me in my bed at night. I like ferries….they are like the traditional form of transport…innit?
The course was fantastic. I'm not going to be able to give the course enough credit than is due with my pitiful vocabulary but put it this way it did everything it said it would in the mission statement. I was forced to view my opinions publicly on many topics and every morning our small group of 4 had to answer a question and present our opinions to the rest of the room. A few questions which we answered:
Does Britain's foreign policy provide ammunition for extremists?
Would you stand up to a gang of thugs?
Is university education worthless?
Along with hearing some fantastic pieces of writing on any subject under the sun (Cane Frogs V's USA was one that stuck out for me!) Along with some hilarious rapping about lentil soup and a beautiful 2 minute speech why being a father was the best job in the world by a 20 year old which brought me to tears only 20 seconds in.
Some guests speakers varied from an ex heroin addict, a guy doing fantastic work for AIDS in Africa and a guy who's daughter was killed in the Dunblane massacre. In our group was also a lady who had to flee from Afghanistan and an interview was had between her and Ken. It was horrific to hear and I felt embarrassed for the Home Office. The institute also sponsers a delegate from the Findhorn Foundation so an interview was also conducted with one of the delegates from there. Its strange how very little is known about communities in a whole and I was so impressed that their wind turbines provide 100% of their electricity! Never knew that. How wonderful it must be knowing that if/when the world goes tits up they will be left standing. Communities are the way to go people…..
I just mentioned Ken, Kenneth Roy. Unknown to me he used to present the news and had a few debate programmes going on and he was the guy who set up the Institute of Contemporary Scotland who runs the Young Scotland Programme.. I sat at his table on the first night and over dinner he makes you feel like you are the only person he is interested about in the whole room. Maybe that's what 30 years of journalism does to you. He seemed very interested in the area of Edinburgh I lived in and even when I left a week later he wants to come down for a cuppa and have a wander round West Pilton with me. I said I was up for that, safety in numbers and all.
He simply got the best out of you and asked questions in such a beautiful way. You can almost understand how the media can prise as much information out of you – even if you want to or not.
I'm going through a bit of a weird time lately. A few phobias that I thought I had kicked to the kerb a few years ago has reared its ugly head (not in such an extreme thank god) and so I'm a mix up on anxiety and still getting over the whole mix up of my world that Burning Man seams to do to you once you return to the real world.
Public speaking was a nightmare, now I understand no one likes public speaking and I don't think anyone in the room felt very confident and comfortable standing up there but my legs almost couldn't carry me there when my name was called. I wanted my top lip to stop quivering (once that starts I know my heart rate has at least doubled!) and I really did have to fight back the tears and just get over it. You can never develop if you don't push yourself. To my amazement I didn't stumble on a single word but ran a little over time since I had to take great control on the pace of my speech (us Scot's seem to speak quick and even worse when you're a nervous Scot!) So at least that was my argument paper out the way and I justified using planes well when I got asked the inevitable question from the chair!
The next time I 'officially' had to get up there was when I had to ask myself a question and then answer it. I asked myself why I had remembered my dreams every morning that week. For months and months I can't remember dreaming but every morning I would wake up from either swinging through the jungle or being shot down in a Black Hawk helicopter. I explained it must have been my brains release as I had not spent enough time in the bar that week and my brain was having its play-time while I was sleeping. It had been working hard that week due to the great opportunity I had to discuss important issues with like minded people and to think I was going to walk out on Monday as I just didn't have the confidence to walk into a room full of 30 people who would instantly judge me. I almost cried saying thank you and the only way of recovery is to face your fears with the support and encouragement of others.
In light of this, it prevented me joining in the afternoon debates as much as I would have liked. I did however express my opinions….even though if it was just writing them down on a bit of paper. It didn't defeat the purpose. The discussions pushed me to answer questions I had never thought of answering and all in all I have seen the other side of so many issues.
So now I am a 'fellow' of The Institute of Contemporary Scotland and Ken tells me he is having to hang up his hat in a few years and has to pass his baby down to former delegates. I can't believe it is only run by 3 people. I told him not to fuck up my 5 year plan, handed him another rollie and not to tease me with proposals to train me up in presentation skills and tricks only 30 years of experience can explain.
On a different note but one not completely. I got chatting to someone and less than 3 minutes into the conversation I was told I made him feel very much at ease and that I am very easy to talk to. Along with sentences which start like:
'I don't normally say this but….
'You wont mind if I tell you….
'I don't really tell people this but….
This will go into Claire's Lab book of my recent experiment I have been conducting since my return from the burn. Conclusion to be announced shortly…..
